And you could be very wrong. You could be missing a whole other level of happiness you didn't know was available to you.
I don't like conflict. I hate bringing up things that are difficult to talk about. Things that I think make me look pushy. Or picky. Or demanding.
This is no more evident in my life than with food. I live in one of the most vibrant food cities in the world, with farmers markets in every corner of the city to restaurants run by world-famous chefs to food carts. And yet I get all tied up with anxiety about trying anything new, or going to a restaurant, or any situation where I don't know what food is going to be served, because I'm afraid I'll be stuck eating a house salad (no crutons, vinegar and oil dressing). Or, that when I tell the server that I'm gluten-free they'll say, ignorantly, "It's all vegan!" Or they will refuse to serve me. (It's happened.) Or worse, I'll get sick.
And this is silly. There are ways for me to eat good food whenever I want. It only involves a little planning and speaking up for myself.
Sometimes it takes a good friend, one who is a true problem-solver, who has a perspective far way from your own anxieties, to point out the possibilities you may be missing. Someone like Asha.
At BlogHer this past August I roomed with Asha from Parenthacks. We took some very wrong turns on our Tutus for Tanner run (okay, walk) in Central Park and got back to our special runners' breakfast late. No food left. So we crashed the Newbies Breakfast. I'm always a ball of anxiety over the food at conferences because so much of it is wheat-based pastries and pasta dishes. I may find gluten-free food, but I'm often left hungry. I took one cursory look at the long buffet table and whined about how there wasn't anything for me to eat. I immediately resigned myself to eating Lara bars and lattes all day.
"What about that oatmeal?" Asha asked.
Right there was a deep pot of steaming, thick oatmeal. I mean, seriously, right in front of my face.
How many times had I thrown my hands up in the air and missed opportunities because I didn't have my wise friend next to me pointing out what's there for me to freely take?
I cringe to think about this. And I'm not just talking about food. Over the next few weeks I started thinking about the other places I give up without trying: In work situations. In my marriage. With friends. In my own personal projects.
Were they totally gluten-free oats? I wasn't sure but I generally don't have a bad reaction to oatmeal. It was breakfast. I had not been forsaken, which is how I usually feel when I eat outside of my home.
Which really? Is just ridiculous.
And this is easy to miss in my life, because in so many other areas of my life I dive headfirst into what's hard. Really hard. I do lots of things, everyday, that would scare most people, but it doesn't even occur to me to be scared.
So why do I let food interfere with my happiness?
I'm done with this. There is too much good food out there that I can eat. And cook. And grow.
My new mantra: Look for the Oatmeal.
Hot Apple Maple Bacon Oatmeal Cereal
4 cups cooked oatmeal (We eat the GF Bob's Red Mill Oatmeal)
2 small red apples
2 strips cooked bacon, chopped finely
2 tbsp brown sugar
1 tbsp chopped nuts
1/2 cup rice milk (or your favorite liquid dairy or dairy substitute)
maple syrup to taste
1. Chop apples into small chunks, leaving a bit of skin here and there for color.
2. Add rice milk to the oatmeal and turn stove to low.
3. To oatmeal add apples, bacon, brown sugar, nuts, cinnamon and salt. Heat through until apples are just soft, about 7 minutes.
4. Add maple syrup to taste.